Worst chat-up lines

Has a lame pick up line ever been used on you? What exactly were your thoughts? A lot of times we just roll our eyes, either walk away or make the best of it by laughing it off. Some of these have never been used on me and those that have......... well I could`nt think of a reply as I was too busy thinking about how a girl gets herself in situations like these. Well, here it goes.

A hook up could turn from this,

To this, with one of these chat up lines.

Chat-up lines have come a long way from the simple days of ’Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?’: they’re now ruder, lewder and – in many cases – even more sexist than ever before. From gross-out humour to less-than-subtle penis innuendos, there really are some corkers out there. So what are the worst pick-up lines to have been uttered by men hoping to woo the object of their desires in a bar? And more importantly, what are the best comebacks for these regrettable utterances? Here’s the full rundown…

10. The human body has 206 bones. Would you like another one?
Suggested response: ‘OK, but I warn you: I’m prone to dislocation.’

9. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.
Suggested response: ‘True, but my big brother Scary Dave will be here shortly and I’m sure he’ll happily join the conversation.’

8. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Suggested response: Close airwaves

7. Are you free tonight, or is it going to cost me?
Suggested response: ‘Sorry, I don’t carry out cosmetic surgeries in the evenings’.

6. Hey, I hear your ankles are having a party. Do you want to invite your pants down?
Suggested response: Not that we’re condoning violence, but the only appropriate response here is a slap.

5. Do you work with computers? Because you just turned my software into hardware.
Suggested response: ‘Access denied’.

4. Feel my shirt. It’s boyfriend material.
Suggested response: ‘Really? It feels like polyester’.

3. Damn girl, that bone structure is giving my bone structure.
Suggested response: ‘Thanks, I inherited it from my Grandma. Nice to hear she’s still got it.’

2. My lust for you is like diarrhoea: I just can’t hold it in
Suggested response: ‘My lust for you is like smallpox: eradicated’.

1. Were you forged in the fires of Mount Doom? Because you’re precious.
Suggested response: ‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS’

Brits going under the knife for Pippa Middleton’s bum as Americans opt for Kate’s nose

 

I heard this and I thought to myself WHAT? Am I bitter, jealous, envious or am I just right. Since the wedding I just have`nt got it and I still don`t. What`s the deal with Kate`s nose or Pippa`s tiny bum. Am I too African to see what everyone else sees?

Britons are going under the knife to swap their spare tyre for a Pippa Middleton-style bum in time for summer.
Surgeons have noticed a dramatic increase in the number of women using fat injections in the hoping of finding a royal bottom.
Dr Yannis Alexandrides of 111 Harley Street said: ’Most of the clients interested in the procedure are in their early 20s and are looking for a more pert feminine shape rather than the usual burlesque bottom.’
Patients are splashing out up to £5,000 thats 1,250,000 big ones on the bum boosting operation.
Consultant plastic surgeon and BAAPS council member Kevin Hancock said: ‘The way that patients get the kind of bum like Pippa’s is using a technique called fat injections.
‘We suck the fat from another part of the body such as the tummy and inject it into the buttocks.
‘I think most of the civilised world saw Pippa’s bottom during the royal wedding and it is certainly not uncommon for patients to take in pictures featuring their ideal body part.’
But Pippa is getting a bum deal across the Atlantic where body conscious consumers are instead sniffing out her sister’s nose.

Surgeons in the USA are reporting a surge in the number of clients queuing up for rhinoplasty operations in an attempt to grab a nose similar to the Duchess of Cambridge.
New York plastic surgeon Dr Stephen Greenberg claims the demand for royal nose jobs has shot-up in recent months.
He said: ‘A couple of months ago, these women started coming into my office and asking for Kate Middleton’s nose.
‘It has become so popular that we have made a file of a dozen Kate Middleton pictures to show patients when they come in for their consultation.’
And the procedure doesn’t come cheap – with some patients stateside spending as much as $7000 on a nose fit for a queen.
But Dr Greenburg maintains that the procedure is worth the money for women of a certain age.
He added: ‘Women, especially over the age of 28, want the nose of a woman who is regal, refined and strong.
‘They certainly don’t want the scooped out, over-affected, upturned, pinched nose of a pop star.’

What do you think?

Belly Bloat? Ways To Beat It.

                                             

We all find it hard to squeeze into skinny jeans at times, no matter how much you suck in your stomach. Over indulging in pounded yam my personal favourite, deserts and whatever tickles your fancy. Oh, you know its probably over 1000 calories but you tell yourself otherwise or probably don't even care. You’re not alone. Up to 25 percent of healthy adults experience regular bloating due to various reasons. Bloating doesn’t have just one cause, says Jacqueline Wolfe, MD, an associate professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School, and author of A Woman's Guide to a Healthy Stomach. From your emotions and eating habits to the bacteria that call your gut home can balloon your waistline. Luckily, there are some simple steps that can help you quickly deflate.

 

Having a “fat” day? The last thing you should do is skip your sweat session. During and following your workout, gas passes more easily through the digestive system, according to Spanish researchers. Let the gas out, and you’ll kick the bloating, too. “Most bloating isn’t about the existence of gas, but the fact that gas is trapped in one spot of the small intestines, making your abdominal region distend,” Wolfe says. And, in case you need some motivation to hold that plank position longer, it turns out that core work can keep bloat away. People with six-pack abs suffer from far less bloating than do people with less-than-defined ones, according to London researchers. Why? Strong abdominal muscles inhibit gas from pushing outward.

 

 

You might think that more liquids equal more belly volume, but as long as you aren’t drinking water by the barrel, staying hydrated will keep you svelte, according to Wolfe. Why? When you are dehydrated, your body thinks you’re trying to cross a desert with an itty-bitty canteen. To fill up its reserves, it stores water between cells and in the fat cells, causing all-over bloating, she says. What’s more, dehydration can cause your digestive system to slow to a halt, resulting in constipation and a distended abdomen. Shoot for eight glasses a day. Bonus benefit: Drinking water regularly can help curb food cravings

 

Sugar-free doesn’t mean belly-friendly. Many sugar-free beverages, candies, and gums contain the sweeteners sorbitol, xylitol, and mannitol, which are difficult to digest and can trigger the production of hydrogen gas in the small intestines, causing severe bloating, Wolfe says. The Food and Drug Administration requires products that may result in a daily consumption of 50 grams of sorbitol to include a warning label that they “may have a laxative effect.” Still, as little as 10 grams of sorbitol can trigger stomach trouble, says Wolfe. One stick of sugar-free gum typically contains about 1.25 grams

“Not chewing with your mouth open goes far beyond good manners,” says Chokhavatia. “Swallowing air can cause bloating.” Mixed in with your food, air pockets travel through your digestive system and can cause bloating and gas. It’s estimated that most people ingest 30 milliliters of air with each swallow. But that doesn’t mean you’re destined to have a belly full of air. By drinking with a straw, staying mum when your mouth is full, and avoiding chewing gum, you can limit the amount of air you mistakenly swallow, according to Chokhavatia

Reducing your sodium levels isn’t just about what you don’t eat. It’s also about what you do eat. Bananas, papayas, kiwis, strawberries, spinach, beets, and broccoli contain potassium, which acts as a diuretic, driving water molecules out of fat cells and increasing the amount of sodium in your urine, says Chokhavatia. While an over-the-counter diuretic might seem like an easy fix instead of eating right, many can cause low levels of potassium, exacerbating bloat over the long term, according to Mayo Clinic.

 

 

 

Fiber is famous for a reason: It helps you poop. Since constipation is bloat’s best friend, fiber can cut your chances of swelling up. Don’t buy into the fiber craze in processed food, however. Many manufacturers add fiber in the form of inulin, which is difficult to digest, Chokhavatia says. A 2010 study from the University of Minnesota in Saint Paul found that people who eat 10 grams of inulin at one time suffer significantly more gas and bloating than those who eat less. Your belly’s best bet is to get fiber from fruits, veggies, and whole grains, and it’s a great idea to cut back on packaged foods that list chicory root or inulin as an ingredient.

I have been so lazy with working out recently and my size 8 body has gradually turned into a over healthly size 10 which i'm not very happy with, shopping for new clothes and all. Everyone else seems quite happy for me saying I now look my age. Yeah right. It's not really about the size for me I guess, more about this tummy bulge and these hips. I really need to get rid of it. A lot of african women have got the same problem. I know I can do it and I will. Maybe i`ll start tomorrow, i`ve got an all you can eat african buffet booked for today. *Wink*. Seriously.

  Hope this helps to beat the bulge.

 

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